God’s promise to me: Jeremiah 29:11-13

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.

13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

ton ton

i know he reads but he doesn’t leave comments or even tell me about what i write. he did tell me though that blogs are supposed to be short. i guess i have so many things to say, ton.

he’s one of my best friends. although we went to the same school, we didn’t know each other until we found ourselves as officemates in the company which we consider now as “the lost dream”. at first i thought he’s mayabang. you know… that typical rich and gwapo braggart but then he didn’t brag about anything. i just thought he was unapproachable. well, what can i do? they all knew each other and i was the only girl and the only non-techie person in that office. they too find me very suplada because i never talked to them and i was very contented doing my own stuff. it was a good thing he initiated in inviting me for lunch or coffee because it paved way for us to really know each other well. i know his preference when it comes to girls. he liked it when i go out for my biweekly grocery shopping for our office because he knew i will tolerate all that he picks for himself and not for the whole office. when he says coffee na tayo, that would mean synchronized movement to figaro or starbucks and that would also mean talking about pretty girls, dreaming, orchestrating some conspiracy theories about our situation in the office and a lot of backbiting. i couldn’t remember though if we got to talk about boys.teka, lugi ako dun ah. our trips to dswd, camp crame and wherever else were really time for us to talk about our lovelives and about almost anything else (including my crush to a certain varsity player in our school. LOL!) of course it was non-negotiable when we decided to have our tables placed side by side during the time the big boss chose to have a bigger office.

when i went to manila just this month we went out for a date. no, not that romantic date… just two friends catching up with each other. we both brought our cameras hoping that we will be able to bond again by taking some pictures since we are both into it already. as usual, we ate, had coffee, talked and listened. he showed me his compilation of pictures and we hopped around several shops to look for a suitable bag for his laptop and camera which i actually enjoyed because i couldn’t believe how mindblowing the prices are of bags nowadays. in short, i had a great time with him.

i just realized this. he always has time for me. he always makes it a point to text back, call or answer back in YM whenever i need him. he never ever gave me some headache or heartache about the advices he gives me and oftentimes shows a certain point or view in a such a way that i will be able to think about it but never feel bad about it. i don’t know if he feels obliged or just can’t say no to me but i do appreciate the fact that he tolerates me when i vent and when i do that, he actually listens. don’t you ever get tired or me, ton? actually, i don’t want to know the answer. it’s mainly because i want to stick to the idea that he is a very good friend to me and i hope i am to him also. reasons and rationalizations are beyond me. i just know that i appreciate the friendship more than anything else.

so to you, ton, thank you for being such a good friend to me. see you soon… of course, with our cameras again and never ending kulitan.

PS

girls, take note. gwapo yan. hehehe!

why do people blog?

i was talking to my best friend awhile ago and i told her that i really love reading blogs because it keeps me sane. for some reason, i take comfort in the idea that i am normal because other people go through situations like i get myself involved sometimes too. she is skeptical about having to air what we all go through but i told her that aside from the numerous reasons you all have, for one thing, blogging is very therapeutic. for me, it releases all sorts of emotions and thoughts that i have inside and i become okay after i blog. plus, i gain friends too.

i can’t speak for yourself but i’m giving this space for you to tell her and the rest of the world your reasons. so why do you blog?

inheritance, lies and some threats

i was watching the news last night and i don’t know if i’ll laugh or be irritated by what i was watching. i’m not much fond of sen. jamby madrigal because, in my opinion, she is always looking for war/confrontations/conflicts… however you call them… it’s like she’s always threatening someone by declaring she has something that can really shock the whole nation when, in fact, the whole nation is already numb of any of that.

anyway, there she was last night again battling somebody again for inheritance from her late aunt. i just can’t help but ask why does it have to be televised? that’s purely personal and family matter and shouldn’t she be keeping mum about it because that would mean she will be endangering her life and the rest of the clan especially with the substantial amount they are battling about? hmmmm…. that’s her life anyway.

i somehow understand her why she has to fight for what she thinks should be hers especially when there are speculations that there might be some hocus pocus in the last will and testament. but at least she has that testament to base everything. what do you think will happen if there was no last will and testament? chaos! believe me… it’s pure chaos.

ggggrrrr!!!!

ggggrrrr!!! i can’t catch up with everything now! i miss blogging and i miss bloghopping. i miss bloghopping the most because i always feel that everyone has his or her own story and i’m always fascinated by that idea. it amazes me that we all go through different situations all at the same time and the thought that we get to have something to tell, well, it’s just good. it just shows that we are living our lives no matter how pathetic things are. that’s just the way it is.

i have so many things to say but, as usual, i don’t know where to start. i always get that mixed emotions of having to rationalize what i’m going through and trying to get the best out of everything even if it’s not the best thing. ang labo ko. i can’t help but feel pity for myself sometimes but i try to reason to myself that i really have to utilize every coping mechanism i can consciously take. ganyan talaga. when you want to be sane, you have to be insane at times. ang labo ko ulit.

sometimes i think i should have taken drugs or gotten myself pregnant or drank all the alcoholic drinks that the world has to offer and beat my threshold and to say that i, at least, deserve the punishment that i have to endure. i should have become a bad girl to make me justify that i truly deserved to be punished. but then i didn’t. i excelled in my studies, i excelled in sports, i excelled in anything i put my hands and head on. but i failed them… or so, they thought. they were complaining about having to see my contemporaries reach a certain peak in their career and that nobody in their children have reached anything. it’s because of this: YOU DON’T GIVE THEM THE CHANCE TO DO SO! how will they learn to decide for themselves if you decide for them? how do they learn to be themselves when they don’t even get to realize what their purpose in life is? take note: hindi ako suicidal ha!

i’m sorry if this ends up as something about VENTING again and being so random. i haven’t talked to my friends (by choice) and i refuse to talk to them now. why? it’s because i know that they’ve had enough of me also. i know it’s pathetic and i know i will regret someday that i get to blog this but the main reason i chose to do this is to remind myself. i have to remind myself that someday if i have my own family, i will not hold within my palm the lives of my children because it’s their own. i am only the guide. for God’s sake! i’m already __ years old… (hehe! the whole blog seems not willing to let my age appear.) and the sad thing about this is that i can’t do anything about it but just to hold on. when the problem is family, i have no choice but to hold on and think long term on how my actions will affect my relationship with them. how can i hate someone i love? conservative and strict? yes, that’s just they are. and can i do anything about it? maybe i can but i just don’t know how.

i have to agree with bluepanjeet. i have to utilize every coping mechanism that i can think of to be alright. i’m tired of complaining (but i just can’t stop) and i’m tired of having to rationalize everything. life is just that. that’s just the way things are. things do happen and although i get to say all the time that SHIT DO HAPPEN BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME, it does happen to me! i need to face the fact that it has to happen sometimes and i have to deal with that shit whether i like it or not. arrggghhh!!!!

there, i’m okay now. this blogging thing is really helpful, no? thank you for, at least, listening reading this blog despite of my numerous attempts to understand how pathetic my life is. aren’t you tired of me? i’m tired of me, you know. i’m tired of really being empathic about how frenetic this life is. i am a good girl but how come i have a very pitiful life?

anyway, for you, thank you for reading this. it’s pure rumblings, i know, but they have their beginnings. trust me. i had to spill everything out to be okay.

and yes, i forgot that i have online friends. i forgot to add that category to my previous entry. although we haven’t met, i’m glad i have you. i never thought anybody would listen read to anything i have to say. maybe you’re just like me too. you vent and you have your own story to tell. so to you, thank you.