i have been deleting my writings in here ten times already but all i want to say is that i love my country and i’m proud to be a Filipino.
as tribute for tomorrow’s significance, i thought of playing the song bayan ko in here. everytime i hear this song i get sentimental. i always go back to the past and think about the things what our country has gone through and what my family had to do back then. basta…. i love my country… i don’t need to be called a hero to prove my love for my country. i don’t need to prove my worth to say that i have done justice to my being a filipino. all i can offer is to become a good person and a diligent citizen. wherever my feet will bring me, i will not ever, ever forget that the reason why i am who iam is because i am a filipino. that’s just it.
Ang bayan kong Pilipinas
Lupain ng ginto’t bulaklak
Pag-ibig na sa kanyang palad
Nag-alay ng ganda’t dilag
At sa kanyang yumi at ganda
Dayuhan ay nahalina
Bayan ko, binihag ka
Nasadlak sa dusa
CHORUS
Ibon mang may layang lumipad
Kulungin mo at umiiyak
Bayan pa kayang sakdal-dilag
Ang ‘di magnasang makaalpas
Pilipinas kong minumutya
Pugad ng luha at dalita
Aking adhika
Makita kang sakdal laya
it’s so hard to write sometimes when i’m being controlled by such strong emotions. the surge of thoughts is rapidly filling my mind and to organize them is a failure.
i am not working now because i’m trying to figure out what to do with my life. as much as i want to deny that i don’t get affected with the movement of immigrant visas for nurses, my irritability has just to show. it peeks in my mind like a paparazzi waiting for the right shot or a boxer ready to pounce at me every middle of the month.
i used to argue with my boyfriend that i have to take up nursing because i see life bleak here in the philippines. although i am living a very comfortable life here, i just want the assurance of stability.
my mind was actually focused on new zealand. it has a socialist type of governance but not communist. you pay higher taxes but it goes back to you with services enough to satisfy you. it’s the second most safest place on earth and the most ideal country for rearing a family. it is clean and quiet. why shouldn’t i go there?
my family’s greatest worry is that we don’t know anyone from there. if something happens to me, they have no one to contact. this frustrates me a lot because it feels like i’m being imprisoned in an invisible cage. i couldn’t move on and start life on my own. i am an adventurous being and the thought of being drawn back is really off of my understanding.
so what’s the best option for everyone? america. okay. america is nice and everything but it’s not just ideal for me. have you seen the news lately? i don’t want to be imprisoned by my own money and material belongings. a friend of mine do not answer or open her door when someone rings their doorbell if nobody called in advance that they will be coming over. why? because she is afraid that it might be somebody who will hurt her or her family. then the elders who migrated there a long time ago are complaining about their children had already adapted the american way of living. i know it’s not wrong but we here in the philippines are better off than our cousins there in america. why? we are all college graduates and a lot of us are focus on work. we don’t have issues about children bringing over their boyfriends in there room and you don’t know what’s happening in there. we don’t have children go missing for three days only to find out that they were out with their friends.
i don’t want to pollute the mind of my future children that freedom and everything that goes with it is okay without discipline. you see, i still believe that in discipling a child, you should not spare the rod. i will go directly to jail if i would do that.
but then again, why america? because no matter what other people say, america still offers a lot of opportunities. our lives are all patterned and defined in the way america has influenced us. from values to schools, fashion trends, music… it just doesn’t end. the american culture is the nearest thing we almost have in common in terms of living our everyday lives. that’s the reason why a lot of us do not have a hard time adjusting once we step foot in their soil. and don’t you think the Filipinos have truly invaded america? when you are there, just look everywhere… you will see us everywhere.
so to see the visa bulletin last night was really a big blow. no immigrant visas available yet for hopefuls like me even if everything has been lodged as directed by the government agencies that deals with my application. news have been spurring out everywhere that they are in need of a lot of nurses. i just can’t seem to feel that. i can’t seem to connect the news with what’s really happening now because everything seems to be a lie. my life is being placed at the mercy of those who are giving that key to my future… the one that will reunite me with my boyfriend, for the stability in life and for a better future for my family. all it takes for those things to happen is a stamp that will say i am okay to work there and live my life.
so since it’s so farfetched, i’m off to look for other countries who are willing to utilize my capacity or if not, i’m staying here and go big with our business. i am not letting america stopping my life just because it is playing gods with my future. if it will open for me, then okay. if not, hehehehhe! i am good. it’s america’s lost. let them suffer. i just hope that they don’t grow old alone because no one will take care of them.
yep, i’m sourgraping but who wouldn’t when america seems to be offering the best of everthing only to leave you in mid air? the benefits are good, the salary is good… i just don’t get it! they swarm to us like as if there is no tomorrow but when you give your hand to them, they suddenly place you in a cloud of uncertainty. i hate it when i’m out of control.
anyway, i allotted this day as my thinking day. i have to decide once and for all what to do with this predicament. i can’t wait for america to happen. i have to live my life not half meant because i really hate it when my neck is being held by someone else.
i can’t seem to write anything now although i did so many things during the weekend. anyway, here’s something to amuse (?) you. try to direct your attention to the escalator and see what’s on the uppermost right corner of the pic.
sorry folks! the pic is not there already. i should have copied and pasted it here. hehehe!
i have been a follower of Sanityfound’s writings in her blog and hearing the news about what’s been happening in her country and the neighboring countries as well makes a person like me feel anxious, saddened, dispirited. a different kind of apartheid is happening and however anyone describe, define or react about it, it just boil to one thing: nobody wins in that kind of situation.
my heart bled just looking at the pictures. i know that what i’ve been reading recently is not enough to understand what they are going through but even an uneducated person understands that looting and xenophobia are not solutions.
that goes the same to my friend’s home country also on the northern part of africa. sudan’s darfur is experiencing a lot too. i am quite thankful that he is not there now and has opted to stay in asia but i feel for those who are suffering now… the innocent ones who didn’t do anything but are just at the wrong place and at the wrong time.
i was once enthralled with world history and current events but for the past few years i neglected them. it was mainly because i was too caught up with my own world. honestly, my enthusiasm about it hasn’t really reached the maximum level because i disregarded africa to include in my numerous readings. (forgive my ignorance, Aud.) maybe it was because i grew up thinking that africa is full of HIV/AIDS, famine and chaos. it is only later on i had an inkling that it’s a beautiful continent. it is one of the many places i want to visit.
i’m sorry if this is the closest i can get to play as tribute. whenever i hear this song my mind is off to your continent dreaming what’s in there and what awaits me when the time comes i will be gifted to reach your place.
i’m praying for the violence to stop, clarity and sensible thinking for your leaders, love and hope to fill the broken spirit and peace of mind. here’s the prayer by charlotte church and josh groban for healing
I pray you’ll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don’t know
Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe
La luce che to dai
I pray we’ll find your light
Nel cuore restero
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarchi che
When stars go out each night
L’eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c’e
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe.
Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita
La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E’il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child
Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera
