I never imagined that the tides would turn and I’ll find myself on the other side of the fence. My “big brother”, Fifi, went online and asked how much the roundtrip fare is if he decides to come here. Of course, I helped him out even if I thought he was just joking. I know how busy he is and since he has a family now, I know that it will be nearly impossible for him to have the extra time to come visit me. But I sensed something. He was being anxious and asked that he needed to see me.
I got to know fifi way back in college. I was new then in the aikido club and I took all the guts in me to hang out at their tambayan. While they candidly asked questions about where I’m from, what course I was taking and all other sort of questions they can think of, fifi was just smiling like as if he has one question to ask but was really having second thoughts. He did have the courage and asked me where I was staying since I’m from the province. I told him the street and who owns the house. He looked at me, smiled and blushed like a schoolboy caught red-handedly for stealing candies. It turned out I was staying at the dorm owned by his ex-girlfriend’s family and the wound was still fresh then.
I don’t know how the closeness really began or how it developed. Maybe it was when he realized that I was the ideal little sister that he never had. People told me that he seldom hang out at the tambayan and they were quite surprised that he goes there often just when I became a member of the club. He seldom wrote in our log book and if he did, it was something to tell me where he is or where I can find him. We always went out together or with somebody else… be it with his girlets or some of his friends. I was always introduced as “my little sister at hwag niyong taluhin yan” which was some sort of a stern warning without the intention of taking it literally. Sunday afternoon was reserved for him and some of our friends to go to church. We would ride in his car, enjoy the music and have dinner afterwards.
When I fell for astig, he was shaken by the idea that I was going out with a bad boy. I was always absent and he would go looking for me. He was always worried but wouldn’t show it because he wanted me to know that I can make decisions on my own provided I will be able to do them responsibly. I guess he knew that I was stupid then because he asked for Friday afternoons to be spent on our own.
Friday afternoon became our big bro-little sis time. We would go watch movies, explore some places, go to his house, roam around some malls or just simply have a quiet conversation over TGI Friday’s Outrageous ice cream and ceasar’s salad. Just the two of us.
Those dates would always end up with him checking on me. He would always ask about my subjects (we had the same major) and if I was having difficulty. He would always check about my plans or the things I did for the past days. He never fails to point out the things I’ve done wrong and what I can do to correct them. He always told me to shut up because I always find myself into troubles due to my being a loud mouth. He tried to be practical too. After eating a mouthful of our favorite Outrageous, he will remind both of us that we shouldn’t be eating it because we are both prone to have diabetes and that it was a little expensive for both of us. LOL! in between spoonfuls of ice cream, we would sometimes find ourselves dreaming about going to our dream school: Kellog School of Management at Northwestern University in Chicago, Illinois. Sometimes it was about going to Ibiza, Spain because of our fondness to chill out music. We’re both dreamers and the dreams were always grand.
And yes, he did his best to be the big brother that he should be by letting me read kamasutra. His reason? That when the time comes I get married, I will not humiliate myself in the eyes of my husband. I couldn’t stop laughing back then but I did appreciate his effort. After all, it takes a lot of courage to prep your little sis with things like that.
I didn’t tell him until 3 months after that I had a boyfriend. when my boyfriend and I became “us”, I was afraid that he might scare him away. When he knew about it from somebody else, he just kept quiet. I guess he had a little big bro type of jealousy (or maybe protectiveness) because when he fetched me at my boyfriend’s place for our usual Sunday routine, he didn’t even say hello to my boyfriend. He ignored him like as if my boyfriend was invisible and didn’t invite him to go with us. I was torn between him and my boyfriend but my boyfriend gave way and let me go. For months he hated the fact that I agreed to be in a relationship with a guy whom he thought would only hurt me. (and I think he believes that all guys I go out with or will be going out with will only hurt me.)Though my boyfriend and I had our frequent disagreements (because we were so opposites), I never ever dared to tell him what was going on. I wanted to prove to him that this time, I made the right decision. He learned to accept the presence of my boyfriend in my life and both became good friends actually.
One time when we were on our way home from one of our dates, he became kinda sentimental. He told me that despite of his fondness with girls yes, sobrang chickboy yan at sumikat talaga sa pagkamanyakis nya, he couldn’t imagine himself to go out with girls of my age. I asked him why. He said that it would be like dating me. I told him not all girls of my age are like me… some are quite more mature than I was. He just looked away and just said BASTA AYOKO (I just don’t want to). O well… the heavens must have heard me because he married someone who was of the same age as me and, yes, I like her for him because she was able to tame him.
When I decided to come home and he went to Europe to have his MBA, our communication was limited through friendster or email. He didn’t come back afterwards because he pursued his girlfriend (wife now) and settled temporarily in Canada. Now that he’s back here, we’re both excited about the fact that the distance had narrowed down and we can call or text each other frequently.
Today though was kind of odd. He wasn’t his jolly self and something was quite different. He asked me when I will be going back to Manila and I told him that I was not sure yet. I asked him why. He answered by saying that he just wants a decent talk with me. i asked him what it is all about. His answer was brief. He said that he doesn’t know if he really wants to stay here for long or go back to Canada again or go to Europe as an expatriate since he still have job offers there. I just know that there is still a deeper issue that he is battling with which he isn’t telling me; one that he thinks would only be best when discussed personally.
I never thought that I will be the one to turn the table and expose the cards for him. I was used to being the one who is guided by him, not the other way around. I guess I have to be ready to give him the most sensible advice that I can give. After all, he went out of his box and took one step further away from his comfort zone just for me before. Now it’s my time to repay. I hope that I will do him justice with the advices that I will be sharing with him because he deserves only the best. but with only one condition though… everything should be discussed over our favorite ice cream combi… outrageous…
don’t you think kids have a the wildest imagination? i can’t even answer the question why is the grass green. huh!
