Ifoundme's Weblog

i was very surprised to be bombarded by sms and calls from friends who tried to get some information from me. they tried to understand why i once had a “breakdown” without them knowing it. i laughed especially when my best friend frantically thought that i didn’t say anything about what i was going through.

i didn’t have a breakdown. yes, i was brought to the hospital twice last year for overexhaustion and maybe also because it was incorporated with thoughts about not having my plans push through as expected but i never had a breakdown. i was just exhausted.

i was exhausted for the fact that we had several weddings to attend to in a month’s time with relatives coming home from different states of america and were all living here in our home for like 3 months consecutively. since we, filipinos, are well known for our hospitality, we have to think ahead of time what to serve them for breakfast, lunch, dinner and in between snacks. that doesn’t include thinking about where to bring them for leisure. in between those events, you have businesses to attend to. so my mind is always on the go from 6am to almost 1am the next day. then, i had those self talk all the time that’s overly torturing me for having my plans for myself standing in a halt.

but breakdown? no… my doctor haven’t thought of recommending me yet to a psychiatrist. the only recommendation then was to rest… no tv, no friends, no work, no celphones, no radio… nothing.. which i didn’t follow also. why? because i had my ways of coping. i had my bracelets, i had my books and music. just give me those and i will be fine. this blogging thing has helped a lot too. i had gone through a lot but i surpassed them without having to leap on the other side of sanity. it is still intact. there might be some loose screws here and there from my head but they can be placed back, tightened even with the use of wisdom of my mentors.

so where did that news come from? it came from a friend whom i haven’t talked to for the longest time. i asked him what his work is and he said that he’s into financial planning and everything else connected to finance. i was actually excited because i have been studying and learning about long term investments hoping that i will be able to venture on that. i told him that when i have free time, i read personality/self development books because i learned from what had happen to me last year. i was jobless, moneyless and loveless to the point that i landed in the hospital.

so maybe he made his conclusion from my own context. but i don’t blame him when he tried to talk to our friends about my supposedly breakdown. it was out of concern. i wanted to hug them last night for their being caring and looking with best intention for my well being. i mentioned once here in the blog that i cried when they celebrated my birthday last year because it was then i realized that they cared more than i do with myself. last night i proved again that they are actually stopping their own lives even for just a few hours to make me feel i am not alone in this world. because of that, i treated them with gelato ice cream.

so to set the record straight… it was not a breakdown… just temporary insanity. LOL! just joking!