anxiety and bracelets

when i’m anxious, i always throw my energy by making bracelets. this was encouraged by my friend to divert my attention from the things i’m anxious about. lately i have been attached again by such feeling and of course, i turned to making bracelets to relieve my angst… here are the finished products…

down

my eyes are burning and i feel so sluggish…. i’m down with a flu. even the fact that i was given my favorite dish didn’t give much enthusiasm to arouse my appetite. the flu really got me. snif! snif!

orchids

my mother and her siblings are into orchids… here are pictures of my mother’s orchids in her garden. just bear with my inability to post pictures in here… i’m quite new to this.

 

love hurts also

was quite surprise to read some text messages the other night from my friend. the text messages were actually forwarded messages from her boyriend. the messages point out to one thing…. they were all bunch of words that says he’s breaking up with her. the reason: he had fallen out of love.

i paused for awhile thinking on what to say to her. at the end of those message was her own message that says HELP ME PLEASE! it was the sound of desperation. who wouldn’t be desperate when all my friend did was make extra effort to make up for the distance that separates both of them? sometimes she will make videos about both of them. sometimes she sing songs to make him feel that he is being treasured. she really made it a point to review for her exams in the capital city so that she can be with him even if there are review centers here in the province. by doing so, she has to find means to augment the financial requirements that the plan demands. she would often spend money load her cellphone so that both of them can have frequent communication. the sad thing about this is that the guy has no effort at all. he hasn’t been here to even give respect to her or to her family. he also sometimes forget to text her. just plain insensitivity.

that’s the problem with some people in the main island. they think that it’s okay for the girl to give up everything and would even demand for more when they can’t even do their part. they will always brag about their capabilities but doing the right thing, the only thing that is being asked from them, is just hardest thing for them to do. when it comes to the point that they will be pressured, they just do the most stupid thing. it’s either they break up with you or they find another girl as a scapegoat and say that you were not there for them. they don’t really ask themselves if they were there for you. they don’t consider the fact that the girls just have to go through a lot just to make things easier for them. do they acknowledge it? no, they don’t. they will make excuses that you are not being independent or that your parents are just the biggest hurdle to your relationship. sometimes they really need to grow up and realize that they shouldn’t see the parents as their enemies but their greatest ally. but for them that’s just so hard to fathom. somehow that comment requires them to have so much courage and honesty and integrity to really do it. it takes real guts to be in that situation. it requires a man to be a real man to fit well in that position and the only one who can do that is the right guy. the saddest part of it though is that you shared a great part of you to the point that you even give all of yourself to that person. you have programmed yourself that the rest of your life time is already entwined to the lifetime of that person. to entangle it requires so much energy, so much withdrawal, so much effort, so much runnning away from that exact paradigm. how do you redo it all? the worse thing about it is that you have to undo it all by yourself. never mind that you almost killed yourself to find ways to make their caprice being spoiled by giving your all. never mind that you have given up so many things to make them happy. never mind that you have sacrificed your other relationships with your family or your friends just to make them feel secure about your devotion to them. but what you get in return? just a reason that they have fallen out of love or that someone else can do the things you can don’t do.

so what now? the only answer i gave to my friend is to allow herself to grieve over that lost relationship. then, do her best to move on. what happened to her happens to anyone. the hurt itself is not a stranger to some people here in this world. it is universal yet unwarranted. it is often avoided, yet, something she has to realize though… it teaches her to start loving herself first. only by loving herself first is the best way to heal that wounded heart. moving on follows.

i can only hope that the process of DABDA moves faster. mine took a year and it took 2 trips to the hospital. i don’t want her to go through that. she doesn’t deserve that.

love hurts also. yes, it’s true.

how to control temper?

i’m always having a hard time holding my temper. when i’m being bitten, i bite back. sometimes it’s really overwhelming that i needed to get everything out of my chest and just blurt out. it doesn’t really matter who the person is. i just have that knack to fight back especially when i know that i’m right.

do you have any suggestions on how to control my temper?